I'm Sorry, Kudou kun
by Kaito Kuroba's Mistress
Summary: One-shot. Ai watches Conan, thinking about all the things she has to be sorry for.


**A/n-I'm making a ConAi story …because I've always wanted to. I'm writin one now, but I wanna write most of it before I post it, or else my updates will be a bitch, so look for that! But I just felt like making this. I'm not exactly sure about it, but…yeah.**

**I'm sorry if I'm wrong, but doesn't Ai call Ran "Mouri-san"? I can't think of anything else she'd call her, so I'll just leave it.**

**It's a one-shot! I've been slowly getting pretty into them, although I used to loathe them. (I actually have a very logical theory on that...) So, here 'tis!**

_Kudou-kun…Why do you have to be so attractive?_ I looked at his small body, his eyes scanning the room and everyone in it. Of course, I wasn't talking about his body. Because of me, he was just a kid now. I meant that he was intelligent and had such good intentions. He would never do any sort of criminal activity, although he had the most brilliant mind.

Now, I noticed the twinkle in his eye as he saw something that pieced together the entire case. Every time I saw that paired with the sly smirk, my heart broke and I wanted to smile; such conflicting emotions. I saw, instead of Edogawa-kun, Kudou-kun.

When Kudou-kun shot Detective Mouri nonchalantly and everyone knew that this was normal, I thought, _That's my fault. Instead of solving all these crimes and giving another man the credit, he could be building his own credibility as a detective. He has better skills than all the other dimwits here, and yet no one listens to his deductions. By the time he regains his normal body, he'll be forgotten; he'll just be a teenager who gets in the way at crime scenes._

He glanced at me while he revealed the killer into his bowtie, looking surprised to see me staring straight at him. He'd probably feel uncomfortable ever solving a crime without a damn piece of cloth in front of his face.

Later, we watched the killer as she was taken away in handcuffs, and Megure-keibu once again congratulated Detective Mouri on his job well done (to which he confusedly said, "Well, it's all part of the detective's job!" followed by an annoying cackle).

"I'm sorry, Kudou-kun," I said quietly without taking my eyes off of a nearby tree. He looked at me curiously.

"Huh? Why are you sorry?" he asked.

I turned to him. He stood there in his tiny body. He had his shoes that enhanced his kicking abilities, his bowtie that changed his voice, his high-tech glasses that disguised him…How could he not know why I was sorry? I wondered how he saw me; did he see the real me, the way I saw him, or did he see a little girl, ten years younger than he was? I opened my mouth to ask him, but at that moment…

"Conan-kun, Ai-chan!" Mouri-san called. _Oh, right. Then, of course, there's her. Look at him!_ Ran scolded Edogawa-kun for running off again, and looked around at the police cars, asking what had happened while she was in the mall. Edogawa-kun wasn't really listening. Instead, he watched her with barely masked affection. It surprised me that he hadn't jumped her the whole time he'd lived with her.

She turned to me. "Ai-chan, I'll bring you home in a taxi. Come on." I followed her instructions like a good little girl, resenting every step I took after her, with Edogawa-kun at my side. Neither of them had a clue that I burned with jealousy every time I saw him with her.

When we arrived at the Professor's house, Edogawa-kun spoke up. "Ran-neechan," he said in the scary, childish voice that was my fault, "if it's alright with you I'm going to sleep over here tonight."

Mouri-san sighed, and, in agreement, said, "Okay…But don't stay up too late! And don't let the professor experiment on you. Make sure you come home tomorrow so that we know you're safe." Edogawa-kun, having gotten this lecture from his parents about ten years ago, was already exiting the car. "Oh, and have fun!" she called after him.

I walked into the house, not waiting for Kudou-kun to catch up. "Hey, Haibara!" he said.

"I'm home," I said in a voice just louder than normal, ignoring the boy behind me.

Kudou-kun looked at me, annoyed. "What did you mean when you said you're sorry?" I just watched him. "Ugh! If you're not even going to explain yourself, don't bother saying this confusing stuff." He started walking further into the house.

I'd never said it before, had I? That I was sorry for everything: making the drug, just being part of it all. For ruining his life. For falling in love. "I'm sorry," I said louder. "for…everything." I didn't really want to be specific, because mystery kept him intrigued, and he always thought I was so strong. But he knew that I worried every second of the day about the drug, about someone finding me. Or worse: finding him.

He turned around again. "Seriously. I don't want to hear it if—"

I inturrupted him. "I'm sorry for making you this way!" That was all I wanted to say, but he kept pushing. Why did he always have to push things? That nosy detective. After he asked, "What way?" as if he had been Conan Edogawa all his life, I answered, "I made the drug; I made you a kid…I could have killed you." He tried to reach the counter in the kitchen to get an apple. He couldn't reach. "It's my fault you're so short. Everything is my fault."

Suddenly, he came right up to me. "Haibara, you…" he shook his head. "…you idiot." _What? _"Have you been thinking that this whole time? That everything that goes wrong in the world is your fault? Do you look at me and feel pain?" _Yes._ "Because I can't reach up to get an apple?" _Not really. I feel pain because I love you. I love you, and you don't love me. _"It's just stupid. If you're using that logic, it's my fault I'm like this for following Gin and Vodka that day; it's my fault that your sister died; it's my—"

"Stop." I didn't want to hear this. This was Kudou-kun trying to make me feel better. None of this was his fault. "Just…don't." I realized then that, on top of everything, I felt sorry for myself. Kudou-kun had so many people in his life: Mouri-san, Hattori, Agasa, parents…so many more. Who did I have? Only myself. "You love her, right?"

Kudou-kun looked confused. "Um, who? Ran?" I nodded; he blushed. "Well, yeah…"

I smiled bitterly. "I'm sorry that you're not with her."

The only person I thought I might have in this world loved another._ I hope they're happy together, but she better not take him away from my view. I need to see him solving cases, smiling, pondering, having fun, loving someone. I'll just watch from afar._

_~~Fin_

* * *

**Oh my god. I feel like I was just punched in the stomach. Making this story, I mean. Really? The ending dragged on because the way I wanted to end it didn't work out so I just kept on typin! Sorry. And I wrote it super-duper late at night (that's my excuse?) Anyway, it's just a little angsty bit into Ai's mind…But, as always, my thought proccess is much different than yours may be, so perhaps this only makes sense to me...sorry.**

**You might say she's out of character, and yeah I definitely agree. But I can argue that, while she's out of character, it might not really be that much. We don't get many chances to see what she's thinking, so her thoughts could be totally valid. This is kind of how I envision her thoughts…not so self-pitying and hopelessly in love, but sorry. Feeling guilty whenever she sees Conan. **

**Oh, by the way, notice the changes between when she's thinking of him as "Kudou-kun" vs. "Edogawa-kun". It's like, when he's a kid, he's Edogawa-kun. And when he's himself, suddenly he's Kudou-kun again. Get it? Gosh, maybe I'm just a confusing person. Uhh, anyway…being all serious always makes me wanna giggle for an hour or cry for an hour, depending on how I feel.**

**Sorry for the fact that the a/n turned out longer than the story, haha. I just thought it needed some explaining! Thanks for reading. I'm obviously not gonna force ya to review/fav or anything, but it's greatly apprieciated. **


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